How badly is my life ruined?

Does not sound like a ruined life to me,as a matter of fact you sound like a very intelligent individual, that has a lot more learning under his belt then most,and more then you even seem to realize. Do remember to count your blessings,you will not only begin to feel better you will realize that you are alot smarter then you have given yourself credit for. Your one track mind when it comes to sex needs to be dealt with as I am sure realize that is the problem within your relationship,as you don't build one,and more then likely make the person feel that's all you are after. When the right person comes along all will flow naturally and just how it is suppose to,realize there are many facets in a relationship,and the longer you continue to dwell in the negativity will be the harder it is,to change things. I am sure you are getting treatment for the condition you spoke of that you have,just continue to do that,and continue on as you are to enjoy and come to be what you hope for,the big the hurdle in life,and for some it just is that way,the more prouder of yourself you will be.