Do you want to hear a little story? I swear, I'm not making it up?

My team and I found Bigfoot in the woods last week! He was unarmed but he lunged at us so we had to shoot him in the head. We dumped the body in the ocean immediately because we didn't want people gathering around to see it. We took pictures of the Bigfoot first, but they're very graphic so we're not going to release them cause they will upset people. I can't reveal the identity of myself or my team because we must remain secret. You don't have to take my word for it though, because we have DNA samples proving it was Bigfoot. We can't release these samples for security reasons, but they're real. We wouldn't make this up. Anybody who doesn't believe me is a fringe conspiracy theorist and is anti American.